Ooh, ouch!!

My nephew is 6 1/2; my stepmother is a youthful 59. This conversation was reported from the kitchen at the Dews':

Nicholas wanted to know today if you can bring your things with you when you go to Heaven.

I said, "I don't know, I've never been there."

He said, "Well, you will be soon, 'cause you're pretty old!"

In 2059, he won't be so sure....



That ain't right.

Don't get me wrong: I love Prince (so cute! so tiny! so androgynous!) and I love Tom Jones (my Welsh darling!) (As a two-year old, apparently, I used to run around the house screaming "Tom Zones! Tom Zones!!" like a maniac whenever you came on tv!), but I just can't feel good about Tom's cover of "Kiss", which inconceivably made it onto the hits charts in 1988, my rising nausea notwithstanding. Gah.


Maybe freedom of religion wasn't such a great idea...

...at least not if you abuse it like this. So this guy forms a splinter group from the Baptist Church (with which let me say in all candor I already have some problems with. Whatever happened to not casting the first stone or not judging lest ye be judged? Isn't G-d the only one who's allowed to judge us?), and this is how they make their opinions known? Picketing and disrupting funerals?? That's just not right.

Not everyone that saith unto me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

Many will say to me in that day, "Lord,
Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?"

And then will I profess unto them, "I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

Matthew 7:21-23
God hath not appointed us to wrath...
Thessalonians, 5:9


Common courtesy

Just a few thoughts on office etiquette, which I'll only share because most of the people who read this don't know where I work.

1) Potty Privacy: This applies equally to men & women, so don't think I'm sexist just 'cause I'm saying "stall" -- this means urinals, too, and in fact, might apply more so to urinals. If someone (say, me) is peeing in the first stall in an otherwise-empty bathroom, kindly do not enter the neighboring stall to do your business, especially, for G-d's sake, if you're here to poop. GEEZ. Show a little finesse and move into the end cube, farthest from the door. This is bathroom rule #1, and you should have learned it in first grade!!! Also, wash your damned hands. I don't want to share a door handle, workplace, or KITCHEN with someone who's got dirty bathroom hands. EW.

2) Microbiology 101: Keep track of your rotting food in the communal fridge, please. I don't need the nausea-induced weight loss plan brought on by your thousand-year-old tuna and broccoli rabe salad, ok? I'll make sure my berries aren't furred and my sour cream's not green if you'll sniff your items every now and again and get them out of the fridge before the Discovery Channel comes a'knockin'.

3) Refill What You Empty and Fix What You Break: Do you enjoy anticipating a hot cup of coffee and finding nothing in the pot? Do you like putting your originals in the copier only to find that it's hopelessly jammed with 5 different doors to open and wheels to turn to get all the bits of hot paper out of there before you can start your job? No to both? Surprise, surprise, it sucks for the rest of us too when you are an inconsiderate pig and take the last of the coffee without re-brewing a fresh pot and when you leave the copier jammed and finish your job elsewhere. The beauty of the latter is that we can usually figure out who you are because your copy scraps betray you. Imagine living in a world where we all treated one another as we'd prefer to be treated. Too hard? Ok, start small: create an office environment where you treat people as you'd like to be treated. Baby steps, baby steps.