G-d, give me patience

So, forgive me for boring you with yet another story about how my mother drives me out of my fucking mind, Internets, but this will only take a minute or two. I'm trying not to scream or break something in the house, and it's too late to call anyone to rant and rave, and I'm trying to spare B, who had a long day, so the 4 people who read this blog will just have to deal. Thanks for your time.

My mother will turn 65 on February 7. When she was here at Thanksgiving, trying to kill me, she said, "I want you to come back east to celebrate my birthday with me. I'll understand if you don't want to come to Boston, but I at least want a nice weekend in New York, ok?" So I said, "Sure. I'll set up a weekend, because the 7th is a Wednesday and that won't work for me. Let me check the dates and I'll let you know what my plans are. I'll get us a hotel room." Now, I'm not saying I do what my mom wants all the time. But it's a milestone birthday (of sorts), and she expressly said she wanted me to come back there, etc. So a couple of weeks ago, I buy a plane ticket and pre-pay for a room at the W on Lex, and it's all set up. I leave her a voicemail informing her of the plan (as promised), and we exchange messages for the next week and a half. We finally speak today.

First, she is surprised that I'm not coming on her birthday. Second, she's surprised that I'm not coming to Boston. Finally, she's surprised that we're not staying with her very sweet (but neurotic) friend in Chelsea. I tell her all the plans, and get her c.c. number so I can make her reservations for the trip from Boston to NY (have I mentioned that she insists on taking the bus like freakin' Yenta Pesha?? No plane for her -- allegedly, she's scared, which I have to say I'm calling bullshit on, but whatever; and no Acela, which may I say is a freakin' 3 1/2 hour DREAM trip from South Station to Penn Station!!). All's well. OR SO I THINK.

She calls me back. Please bear in mind that I arrive in NY at 10 Friday night and leave at 6 Sunday evening -- 44 hours. Says, "I feel guilty. I thought you were coming for a week. I don't want you to come for just one day." "Well, Mom, I bought my ticket and pre-paid for the hotel room, so whether you're coming to New York or not, I'm going for the weekend. I'll be there for two days, not one, and I told you it would be a weekend when you told me you expected me to come back there for your birthday." "Well, I didn't realize it would be for one day...." "It's a WEEKEND, Mom, that's TWO DAYS." "I just feel really guilty...." "You should have thought of that before you requested a command performance."

Have I mentioned that I have a really painful sinus infection right now and cannot. deal. with. her??????

Ok, I'm done. Thanks for reading. Suggestions welcome.


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